I've come a long long way from August 2009, sitting outside of the East side Walmart with three suitcases of my belongings and maybe $30 to my name. I'd walked away from a monster. I had had enough of being used and abused. I didn't know what in the hell I was going to do, or where I would end up. But my relationship to my ex was poisonous, as toxic as cyanide, and I finally had my fill of it. All of it. Two decades plus of allowing someone else to reap the benefits of my life while I begged for scraps of happiness. It was a sick way to live. I was sick with a disease called lack of self-worth. Dying of cancer of my self-confidence. Sounds crazy, but it was true. Do I sound melodramatic? Maybe, but it is quite an accurate description of what was wrong with me. Something deep inside me blossomed once I got away from all of my ex's crazy, batshit life. I got my life back.
Today I'm happy. Really happy. Lucky and blessed really are the perfect words to describe me now. How I got so happy was accepting three simple truths that I would like to share now with you.
Simple Truth #1 -- You are responsible for your own happiness.
Simple Truth #2 -- Nine-tenths of your problems and heartaches have only your fingerprints on them.
Simple Truth #3 -- Love yourself first so you can love someone else best.
I wish I hadn't taken so long to figure these truths out, but I probably had to figure this out in my own way. For someone so allegedly intelligent, I seem to enjoy the long road to wisdom called mistakes. I've made tons of them. But if it weren't for those mistakes I wouldn't have grown into who I am.
Mistakes can only hurt you if you allow them to define you. If you can learn from them, they will become the scaffolding that will elevate you to where you want in life. But forgiveness of self is the only way to do that. Forgiveness of self is the only way to handle your mistakes, otherwise they will drag you down, without exception.
Five years from fifty and I am the happiest I've ever been. I have so many reasons why that is, but the biggest reason for my bliss is asleep in our bed. Michael, I love you so much. You have no idea how much you mean to me and how much our love has given me wings to fly. You are my lucky star, the constant source of love and light in my night sky. To the Moon and back, my love.
Noah
All The Stars In The Sky
by Noah Moore-Goad
There are a million reasons why
My love is my gift to you
Like all the stars in the sky
Like a comet trail sailing by
Across my telescope lens view
Among all the stars in the sky
Waited a lifetime oh me,oh my
To bathe in starlight so true
You, my favorite star in the sky
All the love to me you supply
Brighter than sunlight or moonlight blue
Glowing more than all the stars in the sky
Oh wish I may, Oh wish I might
My wishes for us will see us through
The only star I wish to see tonight
So on this birthday,just us two
My love, my gift I give to you
For so many million reasons why
Like all the stars in the sky
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